When parents get divorced they often times lose sight of how their behavior impacts their kids. This is because a divorce is emotionally consuming and it heightens your self-protection responses. Unfortunately, kids get caught in the crossfire between their parents and end up learning unhealthy ways to deal with conflict in their life and in their relationships. To protect your kids from the hazards of divorce, take a look at what kids say about their parent’s divorce.
My Parents Never Talk to Each Other, They Just Argue.
A common complaint made by kids whose parents have divorced is that their parents do not talk, they just argue. This occurs because both parents are feeling defensive, they are still experiencing hurt feelings, they have lost sight of what is important about their remaining relationship and they have allowed their communication system to break down. To correct this problem, divorced parents need to refocus on what is important, working together to raise their children. Working with a mediator or a communication coach can be helpful to resolve this problem.
I Can Get Away with More When I Stay with My Mother/Father.
Another common statement made by kids of divorce is that one parent is more authoritative and one is more lenient when it comes to house rules. Divorced parents often feel that they need to buy their kids’ love by purchasing them presents or allowing them to rule the roost. The problem is that the children are not provided with the structure and consistency that they need to develop into healthy and responsible adults, and it also creates tension and problems with their other parent.
To resolve this problem parents need to work together as a team. They need to decide on a standardized family set of rules and punishments. And both parents need to enforce the rules and punishments in their respective homes.
My Parents Get Along Better, Now That They Are Divorced.
In some cases parents can establish healthier relationships after their divorce than they had when they were married. In these cases the parents communicate effectively and they share their parenting responsibilities. To achieve this in your own relationship with your ex-spouse you need to establish an all new relationship with them. One that is solely based on raising your kids as a team.
I Get Along Better with My Parents Now That They Are Divorced
Kids and parents can develop strong bonds and relationships after a divorce. The key to achieving this is to make your relationship with your kids a priority.
Madeline Binder, M.S. Human Services Counseling, for may years had a private practice that helped divorcing and divored parents cooperatively divorce. You can read more article on her Children and Divorce Blog.
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